Experiencing ADHD
Living with ADHD can feel like being constantly out of step with the world around you. Your brain works differently and life skills which most people develop naturally, such as completing tasks, organising yourself and regulating emotions can be hugely challenging.
This can evoke criticism, leading to feelings of inadequacy and shame. As Ben Polis shares:
I was always in trouble. I was always confused and suffered from low self-esteem, because I did not know what I was doing wrong
Over time you may learn to hide your ADHD symptoms. Whilst this can be beneficial socially, masking can also cause issues such as feeling disconnected from your true (organismic) self, anxiety that the mask will slip, burn out, and exhaustion.
Living with ADHD can also be exhilarating, and absorbing. Many people enjoy their creative flow. Experiencing surges of original ideas can be exciting and energising. Significant relationships may feel intense, deep and meaningful.
Typical ADHD qualities include an ability to act quickly in emergencies, empathy, a good sense of humour, a likeable personality, heightened intuition, and a reliable sense of people and who to trust. René Brooks writes:
I love being creative and able to hyper-focus on things that I really enjoy. That feeling of being 'in the zone' when creating is amazing. Also, though being sensitive to rejection can make relationships difficult, I also feel like it shows how much people with ADHD deeply feel things.
Understanding ADHD
ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) is present from birth and thought to be genetic. Differences in brain chemistry affect thinking, behaviour, focus, sensitivities and more. ADHD is complex and people have their own unique experiences of living with it. ADHD presents in three main ways:
Predominantly inattentive – Difficulty paying attention and being easily distracted. Alternatively, concentrating intensely on one area (hyperfocus).
Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive – Restlessness, fidgeting, and interrupting people. Speaking and acting impulsively and experiencing regret and shame afterwards.
Combined presentation – The most usual form of ADHD includes both inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive symptoms.
Two examples of ADHD in the classroom
A child with inattentive ADHD (often, but not always, girls) is sitting quietly, zoning in and out, with little idea of what is going on. She is falling behind educationally and has no friends. When she is not daydreaming, she feels lonely and anxious.
A child with hyperactive-impulsive ADHD (often, but not always, boys) is causing a disturbance, bothering classmates, and annoying the teacher. He experiences the weight of other people's displeasure and feels angry and miserable.
What is person-centred counselling?
Founded by Carl Rogers during the 1950’s, Person-centred counsellors maintain that nobody knows us, as well as we know ourselves. Carl Rogers explains:
It is the client who knows what hurts, what directions to go, what problems are crucial, and what experiences have been deeply buried. It began to occur to me that unless I had a need to demonstrate my own cleverness and learning, I would do better to rely upon the client for the direction of movement in the process.
As Person-centred counsellors we understand and trust the process. People naturally gravitate towards psychological health and healing when they have the right support. During sessions clients work with areas that matter to them. They are free to explore in their own way and at their own pace.
For people with ADHD who have been required to adapt to neurotypical ways, finding that their own sense of what is needed predominates, can be the start of a rich and healing journey. Person-centred counsellors create an environment where self-confidence and self-esteem can develop. The invitation to lead and to follow your own path can be liberating. It can also be challenging. Some clients choose to explore the challenge, discovering more about themselves and the effects of past experiences as they go along.
The counselling relationship explained
Person-centred therapy maintains that in a nurturing environment people naturally gravitate towards psychological health and healing. Counsellors support this ongoing process by offering Rogers' six conditions for psychological growth.
1. Psychological contact
There needs to be a contact between counsellor and client so that counselling can take place.
2. The client's situation
The client is emotionally vulnerable because the way that they perceive themself is not how they would like to be. A person with ADHD may view themselves as inadequate having absorbed other people's judgements.
3. Genuineness
Counsellors try to be aware of what they are feeling inwardly so that what is communicated to clients is authentic and true to the feelings inside. Clients experience a real relationship with a trustworthy person. This makes it easier to share openly during their sessions.
Counsellors model self-awareness which encourages clients to deepen understandings of themselves. A person with ADHD can learn to view their way of being in terms of personal insights rather than other people's judgements. Recognising the validity of one’s own perceptions often increases confidence and self-esteem.
4. Unconditional positive regard
Parents, teachers, and friends, who respond to us positively only if we meet their wishes and expectations, offer conditional regard.
For example, an ADHD child called Sam is praised for sitting still in class. However, sitting still is difficult and the teacher frequently expresses disappointment as Sam runs around the room. He experiences the teacher's displeasure and feels bad about himself.
In contrast, Person-centred counsellors consistently offer unconditional positive regard, a warm, respectful, and accepting relationship. Counsellors do not require or expect clients to please them. The message is ‘you are intrinsically worthy'.
Unconditional positive regard encourages self-acceptance and allows self-esteem to recover and grow. Clients tend to worry less about failure and rejection as the impact of other people's judgements reduces and their own views and meanings become more important.
5. Empathy
Person-centred practitioners seek to understand and express the client’s point of view. This allows people to hear themselves more clearly. Sometimes moving deeper into the intricacies of their experiences and gaining fresh insights.
Loneliness is reduced when somebody else gets how it is for you. This can be comforting and calming for those people with ADHD who tend to experience emotions strongly. This includes Rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD) which refers to intense and painful feelings of rejection and being judged, which may or may not be valid, sometimes believing that you have done something wrong
6.Communication
Counsellors successfully communicate their empathic understanding and unconditional positive regard so that clients can benefit from these qualities.
Choosing Person-centred Counselling
As an experienced counsellor working with ADHD clients, I find that the Person-centred approach has many benefits. What stands out for me is the quality of relationship. Being deeply understood and accepted just as you are, can be a great relief. This applies to people who are struggling and people who are outwardly coping whilst inwardly experiencing the stress of masking and trying to fit in. One of the great strengths of this approach is that it facilitates self-empowerment enabling clients to value themselves, and to move towards reaching their full potential.
Reference
René Brooks. 2018, Things I love about my ADHD
William Dodson. 2025, ADHD Think: Uncomfortable Truths About the ADHD Nervous System
Sharon Pearson. ADHD Chatter. Podcast on You Tube
Ben Polis. 2005 Only a mother could love him. Hodder and Stoughton, London
Carl R. Rogers. 1961 On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View on Psychotherapy. Constable, London